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Family Relationships

I see a black and white spotted dog walking ahead of me on a forest path. Initially it is a small, sweet dog with a quiet radiance, but the longer I look the more aggression the dog radiates.

It is a very verdant environment and there are winding paths to be seen to the left and right.

The dog rushes from path to path, sniffing at the ground and the trees, and ducking into the bushes moments later, so I can’t see it anymore.

But I feel that its behaviour has to do with defining his territory.

I look at the surroundings and see that there are a number of large trees clumped together.

One of the trees in this forest now comes into closer focus: it has a large crown and a thick trunk, but this tree seems to have no roots.

The branches and the trunk are entwined with lianas and when I follow these lianas with my eyes, I see that several of them lead from this tree to the other trees, and it seems as if these trees are in the process of becoming connected.

The dog represents loyalty to the nesting-feeling, and by ‘nesting feeling’ I mean the ties that every human being has with their family and their relatives.

These are the relationships a human strives to maintain, and towards which he is very faithful as he travels on his path.

The path in the forest refers to the world of experiences.

You saw there were lianas going from tree to tree, and you can see these lianas as the connections with others, the relationships that people form. This signifies that it is only the lianas which grow between the trees, each tree representing a human with his material consciousness. So the lianas connect the trees between one another.

You might know that a liana is an aerial root; it is a parasite and needs the sap of trees in order to grow.

A relation only has contact with you as a human being, and has no connection with the silver, the essential consciousness.

Relationships arise from thoughts and are a derivative form of a deep desire in a human. The human frequently does not recognize himself in these relationships.

He adapts to and knows what family and friends expect from him but at the same time he always has to wait and see what possibilities he gets from the other and how much room, and in this respect he is dependent. When we look at loyalty as meant by the World of Wisdom, it is a way of dealing with oneself in which dependencies do not exist anymore.

Relationships are always emotive connections. Emotions are the source from which relationships arise. You can therefore see relationships as a way of surviving; they offer the human something to hold onto.

We are not saying that relationships are wrong and that you have to get rid of all relationships, because as a human progresses on his way, he needs these relationships.

Relationships are necessary as mirrors, as points of reflexion, because it is only in the contact with another that the human can learn something about himself, and he sees his own lessons reflected in the actions of the other.

An essence that has chosen a body to descend into does not choose a family.

The human being is pulled by a desire-vibration, belonging to an environment in which he can best learn his lessons.

The first contact of a child is with his parents, but he does not experience his parents in the form of a relationship, unless you are speaking in terms of a functional relationship. The function of parents is to give the child the opportunity to learn his own lessons, and to give him a helping hand, for example: good nutrition in order to stay healthy and the possibility of a good general education in order to be able to establish an independent living, and to find his own path.

In this way parenthood will have provided a good function – but that is all.

Understanding this principle is often shocking for parents, but in fact they are nothing but a foundation for the child to build on. He maintains relationships with humans outside the immediate family circle – but not with his parents.

On this basis a child learns to take his own steps bit by bit into the outside world; for if it were otherwise, he would be stepping back into the ‘womb’.

Nevertheless, parents can have a relationship with the child, but even that is not necessary.

Often enough one hears about the struggles resulting from negative interactions between parents and children; and that depends on the lessons to be learned that the developing essence has brought with it.

It may be that the child has the same lesson as the parents, positive-positive, but it may also be that the lesson is at odds with the parents’ lessons and actually works in the opposite way: positive-negative. When we look at families with more than one child, it often happens that the children cannot stand the sight of each other.

This in fact is not strange, given that every human being is drawn to a certain vibration for his lesson, therefore, this also means that his siblings are also drawn by the same vibration.

They each have their lesson that has to do with the same desire-vibration and so their own image is reflected back to the other all the time – and, as you know: a human hates looking at himself in the mirror.

Obviously this frequently results in conflicts between brothers and sisters, which does not mean that they are not nice people; it is just that the lesson pops up in that environment all the time.

But if the human is aware of this, he will begin to look quite differently at his brothers and sisters, and knows, What I am now running into actually has nothing to do with the other.

I look into the mirror and see that it is my own lesson.

So, when your essence has a certain lesson to learn, and you take into consideration the environment into which you were born, then you will be able to see that it carries enough features for you to learn your lesson there.

This means that you have not chosen your parents, as is put forward in the esoteric literature. Only the fully conscious consciously chooses his own parents, because he is able to size up the consequences of his decision.

Whether it is a family with loving parents, or parents who give the child little attention and find him unimportant, makes no difference at all for the essence, because the essence just wants to learn its lesson.

Knowing this, it is possible for you to look quite differently at your parents.

The father’s and the mother’s role

These arise from the orange vibration.

The orange vibration is characterized by the attention given to, and protection of the child.

In addition, when a human is already in the blue or the purple vibration, he drops back into the orange vibration when there is a desire to have children, because the need or the urge to have children occurs only in this vibration where tribal and family connections are to be found.

And for the tribe’s survival, it is very important that there is offspring – and the male child is much more important than the female.

Nowadays we find that this way of thinking still exists in many families, because when the firstborn is a boy, the celebrations are far greater than when the firstborn is a girl.

These ancient experiences from times when he was a member of a tribe, are carried by the human being and colour his outlook.

It can often be seen in this society, and stronger still in other cultures, that the children are supposed to care for and protect the parents and grandparents, for the tribal context.

From the viewpoint of the World of Wisdom this is not the intention, it is only a matter of culture.

However, there will always be human beings who want to be born into such a society, knowing that that culture exists, especially in order to be able to cut loose one’s ties.

We are still talking of lianas and look at what happens in nature: the liana makes a connection between trees, but it is also strangling the trees, and this strangling ability of the liana can destroy the tree, and that is necessary.

This all seems rather strange, but how does the tree react when it is in the process of being strangled? Its natural impulse then is to start growing in order to get rid of the constricting ties.

You might then say: ‘I’ll hang on to these parents, since I still need the study matter’, or you might say: ‘I’ve finished the book and have learned my lesson, but I’d still like to hold on to the textbook a little while longer.’

However, when the lesson has been learned, the study material is no longer needed. The situation becomes obsolete, because the essence was not looking for parents, but for an atmosphere, for all the possibilities that this environment could offer him.

The parents as such are not at all important, but nevertheless societies and the humans with their own thinking hats weave all kinds of affairs around it.

The human being says: ‘I love my parents’, but ‘to love’ is just an emotional response and does not say anything about someone’s essence.

‘Love’ does not exist in the World of Wisdom.

These are labels that are stuck on everything, but at the same time they have a very powerful manipulative effect on humanness, on children, as well as on the parents.

You regularly hear about people who, when going through a divorce, go back to their parents hoping to find a safe nest there once again.

But the human discovers that he has to adapt to the rules of the parental home – which are no longer his rules of life – and that is suffocating and no longer works for him.

I also see the attachment of parents to their children, but this often occurs because ‘having children’ gives the man and the woman – the parents – a purpose in life.

You will notice, when you progress on your path and you begin to realize that a human is a solitary tree, that your children are in reality no longer your children and you can sometimes look with surprise at their proper development.

You might then discover aspects about them that they have not learned via the parental home and these are likely to be contrary to the possibilities and experiences that you as parents have provided. You may have genetic material that will make you as a parent say: ‘This child resembles me’, but in that case we are talking about a particular character which, as genetic material, is part of the body and as you know, the body is part of this planet.

When the parents are conscious, they do not educate their children after they have left home. But when parents are not aware, and continue to live on the basis of a world of standards, then they keep feeling responsible for them and continue to concern themselves with their children’s’ education. Children are just physically part of the parents, a continuation of their blood-line.

There is no longer a need for the children to keep in touch with their parents.

It is pleasant – but it is no addition to the tree itself.

When it grieves the parents that their child opts for a different life than the one they have shown him, then the parents conveniently forget that they have raised their child to be independent.

The moment the child makes an independent decision, the upbringing suddenly seems to apply no longer, and the parent tries to put the child back on the path that corresponds with his own way of life.

This parent keeps trying to rein in the child and to educate him, even when the child has already left home long ago.

When a human continues to maintain contact, every time he turns 180 degrees and returns to the starting point, going from the outside back inside, but it should be from the inside outwards and then further down the path of development.

Children and parents must let go, because when you listen to your essence you choose someone for his qualities and not because of the role he or she played in your life.

It is always due to emotion that the child goes back to the parents, because this comes from the standard way of thinking attached to the thinking hat.

Humans think there is a connection that ought to be maintained.

Yet no human opts for the other, he always opts for himself, I’m feeling lonely and would like you to visit me. I want to spend some time with you, because I like that, or because I want to tell my story. So it does not matter at all whether it is you who is sitting there. It could just as well be someone else, as long as I can tell my story, as long as I’m not feeling lonely.

It sounds very harsh but this is how it works between humans, and when a human becomes aware of it he no longer wants it.

When one is in either the blue or the purple vibration, but certainly in the white vibration, one no longer wants any such kind of fiddling.

Your essence is showing you one straight path ahead, one purpose, and it can’t react differently any more than by following what it is feeling from the inside.

There are also humans who think they are lianas, because if a human does not see himself as an independent essence he can only function within relationships.

He assumes he has no force himself and only gets his strength through the force of another tree.

This is the human who reacts as some kind of vacuum cleaner, and you get tired just by seeing his nose, and you think, Oh dear, there goes my energy.

In contact with you this human has been able to suck up a lot of energy and when he leaves he is energized, while you remain behind drained and exhausted. We actually can’t blame him for that, because it is a matter of unconsciousness.

Only the human who is confronted with this can feel its effects through his essence, I must stop doing this, because it makes me feel out of sorts.

Therefore one must regard a relationship as a study book, because only in a relationship a human can opt for what he feels in his essence.

It is pleasant not to be dependent, even if that comes about through good intentions and it is even called pure.

But when you continue on your path in the blue vibration, you are going to look for those with who you do have a connection.

This is your spiritual family who you will recognize when you see them, and then your material family will no longer have any meaning for you.

When you start listening to the silver flow in yourself you will discover that there is rarely silver in family ties, whereas there suddenly seems to be a silver relationship with what might be, in your eyes, a total stranger.

This means that you, at the consciousness level of the moment, are able to start discovering who belongs to your spiritual family.

The fully-conscious human has understood his dependencies and the usual standards no longer have an effect on him. He likes to be with others, but he regards them like ducks in a pond – just a nice touch.

This human gets no nourishment from relationships and he does not need others for his own development.

He maintains no friendships, for he knows that friendship is an emotion; and he also has no fear of being alone; that is why the human who is on his way needs friendship.

The theme of the life of the fully-conscious, who no longer has lianas, is the task. He is the task, and the contacts he has are nothing other than functional.

But first it was necessary for him to sort out his dependencies, before he could be in his task, because otherwise he might have been dependent on the way humans deal with him.

And now we look at old relationships, because we can see that many humans have questions about them. We often come across humans who meet up again and who, in the past, have been either a parent or a child of the other, or else have been partners.

These are obviously old emotions and old ties.

Then we do not speak of a connection, but of a tie.

Frequently we see that these humans who recognize each other, pick up again and continue on the same footing – but that is not at all the intention of the World of Wisdom.

You are just passing each other by, perhaps with a brief greeting because the other seems vaguely familiar, but then you return to your own path.

Finally we would like to say: ’Visualize you are a tree; you then make contact with your strength, and from that strength you can see what it is that connects you with others, discovering at the same time that you may have little in common with them.’

You will then proceed further on your path, where you will enjoy being with humans, but you will also see that these contacts no longer determine you.


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